"You have another apartment with brick walls, Miss," she says, her face pixelating slightly at the distance between us. "It's so cool."
It is cool.
My apartment in Brooklyn is smaller than the one I had in New Hampshire, and it's in a two-unit building rather than a 200-unit complex. There's no washer and dryer in my new building (though I thankfully have a dishwasher), and I walk up a flight of steep stairs rather than take an elevator to get to my door. Such are the changes you'd expect when moving from a largely rural area to a major world city.
I didn't expect to find as many similarities as I have found, however. The exposed brick walls are one example. As my young friend pointed out, they seem to have followed me here. Another similarity is the strange sort of pride I get from getting through the type of lonely day that comes around regularly when you live alone. It's sometimes difficult, but I read and write and cook and make music and before I know it, the day is done, and I have won against boredom and anxiety.
Small victories like that matter; I discount them to my own loss.
At our mom's memorial service last August, my sister recounted a song that made her think of Mom. "Big love, small moments" is the theme, reminding us to take note of the little moments that matter. Little victories over humdrum fears make me courageous to face larger fears. Small gestures of kindness and decency help hold a fractured society together. Words of truth and love can break down injustices and build up communities.
Most of us will experience a few moments in our lives that we will, in reflection, characterize as "big". Their importance outweighs any one small moment, and of course we should therefore pay attention to them. But as anyone who's trained for a marathon or studied for a comprehensive exam can tell you, success in the big trials usually depends on their faithfulness in the multitude of small choices that lead up to the part everybody sees.
So when I get discouraged about external events in the nation or world I live in, I refocus myself on the good I can do right now: the healing words I can speak or write in my little atmosphere, or the resources and time I can give to those who need it.
I build my courage back up with little moments of bravery and love.
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