"Well, if you're feeling lonely," she tilts her head at me from across the breakfast table, "let's do a Sunday roast tomorrow!"
"Well, if you're lonely," another friend says, "come to my place tomorrow and you can play with my dog while I make dinner!" "Well, if you're lonely," a third says, "let's go out tomorrow night for a drink!"
Overseas living. It has its ups and downs to be sure. I'm watching my nephew grow from a baby into a toddler roughly 3,500 miles away from me. My mom is always ready to answer the phone, but it's not the same as being there with her, where I can rest my head on her shoulder after a tough day. I feel the loss of being there, and yet I know that being here is what I need to do, for my own sake. And I like living here, most days. Sure, there's some rough patches. But I had those in the States, too.
Where I've struggled in the past (and to this day) is in thinking that I must handle my loneliness by myself. Don't ask me how this is supposed to make sense. My New England Puritan upbringing dictates that I must be self-sufficient in all things, shall we say, and it still affects me in ways I don't anticipate. So even though I would gladly offer the same hospitality and warmth my friends above have offered me, I don't think to ask for the same treatment until the loneliness is too much to bear. And then I find a feast of friendship waiting for me.
This pattern has repeated itself my whole life. I try to be self-sufficient--I cannot be the bootstrapping individualist anymore--I break--I find camaraderie and friends among the "fallen". (Read: "human".) My inability to be completely isolated from the fact that I need others is a gift, I think. And it's one I share with all other humans. We need each other. We need a person, right there, to listen to us and laugh with us and cry with us and hold us when it seems dark. What I have found since moving here in August is that there is not a lack of friends, most of the time. There is a lack of my willingness to let them in.
But when I do?
Then, the feast of friendship awaits me.
(Thank you, my friends.)
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